Why Disney Princesses Are Badass (Part 2)

Welcome back to my second installment of “Badass Disney Princesses,” which includes the more modern Disney girls. Most of you already know what’s up, so we’re going to skip straight to the action. If you’re confused, click here for Part 1.

6. Jasmine

Jasmine is the only princess on this list who isn’t the main character of the movie she appeared in, but she should have been. For one thing, she pretty much gave a big “fuck you” to centuries of tradition by refusing to marry anyone her father picked out, even when he gave her an ultimatum. However, she also fully understood how the laws of her country worked, and quite happily referenced them against Jafar (“At least some good will come of my being forced to marry. When I am Queen, I will have the power to get rid of you.” -Jasmine). She had principles in spades, and she was sticking to them. And when Aladdin danced into the scene, she was the only one unimpressed–and continued to be unimpressed, calling him on his shit even after he’d managed to win a little affection. And at the end of the story, when Jafar was being all evil and shit, she didn’t hesitate to use her sexuality to trick him, making her instrumental in his downfall. That makes her independent, smart, and freaking hot, which is why she is my very favorite princess.

Not to mention that she has a pet fucking tiger.

7. Pocahontas

People often hesitate to include Pocahontas on the princess list, probably because she isn’t technically a “princess”–she’s the chief’s daughter, sure, but princesses are European, right? Well, whatever you call her, she is one tough son of a bitch. Like Jasmine, she bucks centuries of tradition in refusing to marry the man her father chose, instead opting to spend her days running free and diving off forty foot cliffs for fun. When war broke out between her people and the Europeans, she literally threw her body in between them to stop the fighting, in a move that has since been copied to much less effect by many animated people with far smaller balls. As if.

And when her “one true love” had to go home to England, did she weep and despair and throw herself after him? No. She was like “well, that sucks, but I have a tribe to run. See you later.” And she built her own happily ever after. (Note: as previously stated, I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE SEQUELS)

7.5 Megara

Alright, so Meg isn’t a Disney princess. She doesn’t even marry a prince and become one that way. But she’s still a Disney girl, and she is the ultimate Disney badass. For one thing, she walks a thin line between good guy and bad guy, which makes her one of the most complex characters in the Disney repertoire. She can fend for herself, and even outsmarts her employer, Hades, and betrays him. And while she initially rejects all notions of love for love’s sake, she still recognizes her feelings when they surface, and is willing to admit to them like an adult–none of that whiny teenager crap.

Plus, you know how the whole point of that movie was that Hercules was strong and popular and killed all those monsters, but he wasn’t a “true hero” until he was willing to sacrifice his own life for someone else’s? Yeah, well, Meg was willing to do it, too–and she didn’t have the possibility of immortality as a backup plan. She was willing to sacrifice herself for Hercules when it really mattered. In my mind, that makes her even more of a badass than he is, and little girls would do well to take notice of her example.

8. Mulan

I don’t think I really have to tell you why Mulan is a badass. It’s pretty obvious, with the whole disguised-herself-as-a-soldier-and-saved-China thing. But I would like to point out an additional point of bad-assery that usually gets overlooked: she is like a million times smarter and more macho than her love interest in that movie. He can’t even talk to her clearly by the end of it, because she’s just too freaking awesome. That’s not to say he isn’t awesome, too, but simply to point out that she beats him. Sexist my ass.

Also, I’m pretty sure she gets it from her grandmother. That old woman wasn’t afraid of anything.

9. Tiana

I have a lot of issues with The Frog Princess, but the main character is not one of them. Here’s a girl who worked her butt off to get what she wanted, and didn’t take shit from anyone. Even after she was turned into a frog, did she give up? Hell no. She just made friends with an alligator and kept right on fighting for her dream. And even after the whole kiss-at-midnight thing didn’t turn her or her sexy man friend back into people, she just took it in stride and decided to be the most awesome frog ever. Talk about rolling with the punches.

I would love it if someone could explain, however, what the hell her blonde friend was doing in that movie. For serious, that girl was a huge step backward for the entire Disney franchise. I found myself wishing that the alligator would just eat her, so that Tiana could inherit her resources and fix the world with them.

10. Rapunzle

The most recent Disney princess is another personal favorite of mine. I realize this is probably the movie everyone is least likely to have seen on this list, but you really should check it out. It’s simultaneously adorable and hilarious, and well worth watching. But! We are here to talk about Rapunzle.

As everyone knows well, Rapunzle grew up in a tower, all by her lonesome, with only her witch “mother” (and, in the movie, a Chameleon) to keep her company. You’d expect her to be all kinds of stupid out in the real world. But she isn’t. Through sheer charm and determination, she befriends a bar full of outlaws, thwarts the king’s army, and defeats her own mother. And all with a frying pan.

Do I really need to say it again?

That’s not to mention that she is fully in control of her magical glowing hair, and essentially uses it like a prehensile tail. I only wish my hair were that awesome.

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So there you have it. Why I think Disney princesses are badasses. Feel free to disagree with me. For now, though, I’m going to go re-watch Aladdin. Man is that a good movie….

Capably yours,
M.M. Jordahl

“How dare you? All of you! Standing around deciding my future. I am not a prize to be won!” -Jasmine

P.S. Happy Thanksgiving!