*Due to lack of foresight, I am writing this post on my android. Please forgive formatting errors accordingly.*
I know. I know, I know, I know. Twilight is a terrible franchise and everything about it is terrible and everyone who likes it is terrible, etc. etc. But may I remind you that this is drunk movie Monday, and at drunk movie Monday, we’re all about redeeming terrible things with alcohol, and let me tell you: Twilight cleans right up with a little vodka.
The film: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2
The premise: Over the course of the three previous films, Bella Swan’s crush on vampire Edward Cullen has gotten wildly out of control, resulting in her giving birth to a half vampire baby and also impending all-out vampire war. In this film, Bella must enlist the help of vampires and werewolves alike to aid her in the final showdown of final finality. Also she just became a vampire herself and it’s given her super powers. And everybody still sparkles.
Why you should watch it: You guys, this movie is a secret treasure, and the secret is this: everybody involved in making it has completely given up pretending to care. there are lots of bad movies made good by their genuineness, but this one is saved by the sheer degree to which nobody gives a fuck, not even the graphics team. Everything about this film is sloppy and half-assed, from the writing to the acting to the animation in the opening credits. Everything. Nobody gives a flying fuck about this franchise.
This becomes increasingly evident as the movie progresses, but the real nail-in-the-coffin comes in the movie’s climax, when… you know what, I don’t want to spoil the surprise. Is maybe the greatest audience trolling of all time.
The drinking game: Drink every time Bella stutters, rolls her eyes or gasps. Add in icy stares if you want to die.
Bonus: Drink every time Robert Pattinson visibly hates his life.
Where it’s available: Not on Netflix, but available in its entirety on YouTube, and in HD to boot. Dig in.
Moodily yours,
M.M. Jordahl
“I thought we would be safe forever. But ‘forever’ wasn’t as long as I thought.” -Bella Swan
M.M. Jordahl 