Drunk Movie Monday, Movies, Reviews

Drunk Movie Monday – Zenon

This month on Drunk Movie Monday, we’re going back in time a bit for a little 90s nostalgia. There was this movie that came out on the Disney channel, and was subsequently released straight-to-VHS (remember VHS?), which might very well be one of my favorite movies of all time, though it is entirely lacking in quality and almost entirely lacking in coherency. How many of you remember this gem?

Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century. This movie was everything I ever wanted to be as an adolescent. Now that I am an adult, it has become yet another very, very fine film for watching drunk.

The film: Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century (1999)

The premise: Zenon is the daughter of two scientists whose work requires zero gravity, which means that she gets to live in the place almost every 90s kid wanted to live: a space station. She pals around the station with her pack of racially diverse friends, including her best friend Nebula (played by the always-worth-watching Raven Symone), getting into trouble as much as possible. The station soon falls prey to a corrupt businessman, and Zenon’s attempts to warn everybody get her “grounded”–i.e. sent to Earth to live with her neurotic aunt. Typical teenager-saves-the-day hijinks ensue, alongside a lot of really contrived space-related slang and a boy band with really great hair.

Why you should watch it: The slang. The slang. I don’t think it’s possible to come away from this movie without picking up “zeetus lupeetus” in your personal vocabulary. The experience of watching the space station kids in this film use their absurd space-metaphor jargon is how I imagine parents feel when they try to adopt their children’s slang, and I love it. Plus, this movie is so full of ridiculous 90s-envisions-the-future fashion it makes me want to cosplay. And did I mention the boy band? Because, the boy band:

I won’t spoil their song for you if you haven’t seen the film, but it’s the literal best. That song is still my jam.

The drinking game: Drink for the slang. And not just the space station slang; keep an eye out for the hilarious words of the 90s.
Bonus: Drink every time Zenon rolls her eyes.

Where it’s available: Unfortunately, Zenon is a very difficult film to get a hold of in any legal way. It originally came out on VHS (which I still own), and was never released on DVD because apparently Disney doesn’t want to make any money. That said, if you do not have a VHS player and don’t mind watching movies on sketchy websites, you can watch it here.

Yours, major,
M.M. Jordahl

“There’s no gravity between us. Our love is automatic.” –Supernova Girl

P.S. There are two sequels to Zenon. I have not seen the third one, but I have seen the second, and it is…amusing, for lack of a better word. None of them are available on DVD, because Disney can’t get their shit together.

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